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(Im)Possible ways things can get crappier for the Celtics

January 2, 2010

It's Gilbert, Bitches!

It's Gilbert, Bitches! ©Loscy

I’ve been out of town for most of the last 2 weeks traveling to Maine and Virginia for the holidays. During that time, I’ve watched the Celtics rally up against the Magicians on Christmas Day, only then to catch glimpses and read about their recent shortcomings against the Clips, Warriors, and the Suns.  If the Celtics lose again tonight against the Raps, then the game may be known as “Patrick O’Bryant’s Revenge-ish Nightmare Massacre.”

Here are some (im)possible ways that things can really just get crappier for the Celtics.

  • Gilbert Arenas shows up unexpectedly in the Celtics’ locker room and shoots KG’s good knee.
  • Kobe Bryant settles out of court with Lucky after a cruise around the Boston Harbor.
  • Glen Davis breaks his other thumb when forced to fight Hedo because Davis thought Hedo was the damn near ugliest animal/monster/villain he’s ever seen.
  • Rondo can’t make the game when his Red Bull car runs out of methamphetamine caffeine.
  • Scal is mistakenly kidnapped by the Notre Dame football fanbase hoping that #44 can be the new luck of the Irish.
  • Tony Allen spontaneously combusts into the real Tony Allen that dribbles of his knee, ruptures tendons on silly dunks after whistles, fouls someone attempting a half-court prayer, and takes fadeaway threes.
  • The Suez Canel that is borrowing in Paul Pierce’s knee after the irrigation procedure has a a beaver issue.
  • The tennis balls in Ray Allen’s calves finally deflate.
  • Sheed drops the “People’s Elbow” on 1 ref, then grapples another into the “Stone Cold Stunner”, and finally finishes off the third ref with the “Tombstone”. And for good measure, Sheed “DDT’s” all of the score keepers.
  • Perk one-ups Lebron eating a fan’s fries the other week during a game: Perk shoves a whole raw potato in his mouth and then eats Jose Calderone’s face thereafter.

Okay. These are getting stupid. Actually, they were pretty stupid to begin with.

I’m just looking for some of the younger guys, mainly Lester, Billy, and JR to get some good minutes. Despite reports of Rondo maybe playing tonight, I am hoping Doc opts to rest him and let Ray Allen and Sheed just light the night up and fill up their box scores like they used to do in their heyday. Whatever happens happens. There is plenty of games left to play, and too much season left to freak out over some poorly timed injuries. It happens to every team. I’d like to see hustle, focus, and a team effort. If those 3 bits show up on the table tonight despite posting a loss, that will be fine. The character of this teams needs to be reshaped a bit instead of sacrificing the future health and stability of the core players. Take one from Greg Popovich’s book, Doc.

Doc: ask yourself WWPD (what would POP do)? He'd sit Rondo until he was 100%.

Doc: ask yourself WWPD (what would POP do)? He'd sit Rondo until he was 100%.

This is WHERE AMAZING might, could, should, and would be really cool if it, HAPPENS.

Godspeed, Celtics.

Hottest shoes so far this season: Nike Cradle Rock Low (worn by ¡rondo! himself).

Red Cradle Rock Low.

Red Cradle Rock Low.

Nash's Cradle Rock Low.

Nash's Cradle Rock Low.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. January 2, 2010 6:04 pm

    Play Done Ruthless, he’ll get you 20.

  2. January 2, 2010 7:02 pm

    Lester Hudson is Done Ruthless, apparently you weren’t aware of Hudson until he was drafted by the Celts. It’s alright, I’m a college hoops meathead and know just about every prospect out there.

    http://www.midmajority.com/2009/02/good-morning-hoops-nation-febr-8.php

    • January 2, 2010 7:21 pm

      Ahhhhhh. Thank you thank you. I did not know of Lester Hudson at all until he was drafted. I still know next to nothing about him… except that he is deadly off the dribble, has a good looking jumper, and is built like a freakin’ rock. I’ll only watch college ball if there isn’t any NBA on the tele. College bball is just overwhelming: too many teams, too many games, too much of everything…

  3. January 8, 2010 2:09 am

    LOSCY,
    Gilbert Arenas is completely out of control.
    Best,
    Delonte West

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