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Joakim Noah makes me vomit in my mouth.

April 19, 2009
Yup. Just vomitted. Twice.

Yup. Just vomitted. Twice.

Let’s start this blog post off right: Joakim Noah makes me vomit in my mouth.
Again, Joakim Noah makes me vomit in my mouth. That’s called a “hot snack”, in case you were wondering.
I was hot snacking all afternoon yesterday at the TDBNG. There were a few dunks by Noah (including ally-oops) that started to just upset me– and that was early in the game. By the way, Joakim: quit with the pump fakes from 15-feet out. You won’t take that shot, although I wish you would. You really think Perk is going to bite on that? Try again. While you’re trying that, why don’t you get a haircut? Gross. And whoever is in charge of uniforms in Chicago, why silk/satin type unis? Was the idea to have “gross on gross”? You know, gross unis on gross players like Joakim? You think Jordan would have worn this jersey?

Ok. I hate Joakim Noah. Always have. He plays decent defense, does a good job of crashing offensive boards, but his antics on the court make me want to bring a bag of wrenches to the game and just start hurling them in his direction. The one thing that drove me up the FREAKIN’ wall in yesterday’s game were his illegal screens. Seriously? Yes Derrick Rose has an extra gear on Rondo and his first step is ungodly quick, but is it that quick that Rondo can’t keep up? Rondo is one of the best PG defenders in the league and is among the quickest/fastest in the league. Let’s imagine that that Rose was able to penetrate into the paint about 25 times inside or around the paint. Out of those 25 attempts, easily 20, of paint-entrances (80%) were from screens set by either Joakim or Brad Miller or Tyrus Thomas. Out of those 20 screens, I’d say 15 of them were from Joakim (who played 45 minutes yesterday while TT and BM split about 54 minutes between the 2 of them). Out of Joakim’s 15 screens yesterday, 0 were legal leaving all 15 to be illegal screens. Just watch on Monday night: he sets up with one foot planted and slides the other one in the direction of where Rose wants to go to engulf Rose’s defender. How on earth does that happen 15 times in a game and go unnoticed by the refs? I am by no means a dirty player or condone dirty play, but Rondo has got to show Joakim that this isn’t going to happen anymore. On the first screen of Monday night’s game, Rondo needs to slide his shoulder or elbow into his gut and quietly say, “The next one is going in your nuts.” On the next illegal screen, Rondo needs to slide his shoulder or elbow into Joakim’s nuts and quietly say, “All day, Joakim, all day.” You can get away with this: if Rondo takes some of the impact with the side of his body, he can hide these nut shots. I am 100% serious about this. The campaign for Rondo to throw bows into Joakim’s nuts start right now. Rondo: can you get tips from your boy Ray (just don’t make it obvious, please… the series rests with you):

Speaking of Derrick Rose… How fantastic was he yesterday? 36 points (12-19 shooting and 12-12 from the line) and 11 assists (although he did have 5 TO: ouch). So much for everyone thinking he was going to shrink on the big stage. Rose reminded me of a refined AI from the olden days: so quick and fast that he can create offense on every possession. The biggest difference between Rose and AI though is that Rose has a great 18-footer. For the few minutes that he was off the court yesterday’s, the Bulls offense was atrocious. Absolutely atrocious. The crowed at the Garden was actually laughing because no one in red would shoot or know where to move.

What are the keys for the Celts to win game 2?

  • Derrick Rose has to be contested more heavily and consistently in the paint. We know he’ll penetrate and we know he will get past Rondo, but Perk/Powe/Big Baby have to be able to leave their man and slide over. This especially has to be the case for Perk– don’t be scared of Joakim. Even if he gets a few buckets here and there, it’s better than letting Rose catch on and get the confidence that he can score at will in the paint (which happened yesterday). Help defense has got to be a priority on Monday.
  • Ray Allen has to score more than 4 points. We don’t need an explosive game, just give us your average. Or anything more than 4 points…
  • Big Baby had 3 rebounds. What?? He needs to crash the boards and it starts with boxing out the Bulls bigs.
  • Leon Powe was quiet yesterday. Granted Powe was getting killed underneath the hoop, he just didn’t play with the grit and intensity that we need.
  • Rondo needs to keep playing the way he played yesterday: 29 pts (12-21), 9 boards, 7 assists, 2 steals, and only 1 turnover. I know Rose had a coming out party yesterday, but Rondo’s performance was Oscar-worthy.
  • Steph needs to get his act together. Two sloppy turnovers that both lead to Chicago buckets = not okay.
  • Doc and Coach T have got to get their defensive swagger back. There were glimpses in the second half when we played to our potential: we made stops on defense and transitioned to smooth offense on the other end.  Ultimately, this series will be decided by the play at point guard: how well can Rondo keep playing and more importantly how good of a job can we contain Derrick Rose? We need to make him to give up the ball and force others in red to score the ball, which most of them looked hesitant to do yesterday (except Ben Gordon who just lit up Ray).

Sorry Rondo: this series is yours to win, but I feel really good about this. I think that Rondo is ready for this challenge and will be the one to lift the Celts to the EC-semis.

Rondo v. Rose

Rondo v. Rose should decide the series

I’ll be there on Monday for Game 2 with a bag of wrenches. I am going to post my suggestion for Rondo on his blog at Yardbarker.
Still calling the Celts in 6.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Casual Observer permalink
    April 19, 2009 2:58 pm

    That’s hilarious, complaining about someone like Noah setting illegal picks — your DPOY is the king of that you hypocritical tool.

    WOW… half the times the Celtics have open looks is because bulls**t like that. Oh, btw… Nice choke job from the self proclaimed best player on the planet. You’re going to lose this series because you lost your dirty work, foul when no one is looking, punk ass players last season. EC is the Cav’s to lose.

    • jontookem permalink*
      April 19, 2009 3:08 pm

      Did you look at my playoff predictions? Scroll down and you can see them all. I realize the Cavs are going to come away with the EC title. Is there a place that I spoke differently?

      Yes, Pierce choked (and when did I declare him the best player in the universe? Vegas Scott gave him a bunch of awards for the Celts NOT for the league… so slow down there Mr. Angry Angry. We are judging him on his worth on the team and against/in the league, not just in the league).

      I understand most of your second-to-last sentence:
      “You’re going to lose this series because you lost your dirty work, foul when no one is looking, punk ass players last season.”

      We are going to lose this series because KG isn’t there to do our dirty work and fouling others when no one is looking? I don’t agree, but I at least understand what you are trying to say. But what does that last part mean? We are going to lose this series because we lost our punk ass players last season??

      Ummm… want a mulligan on that one? A do-over? A try-again? A restart?
      I’ll wait patiently.

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